Wednesday, 8 June 2011

This is me.

I am controlling. I take comfort in knowing that I am in charge of what happens to me. I feel safe in what I know, and what I can change. I am calmed by the knowing that nothing happens without me planning and evaluating it first, weighing up the possibilities and all outcomes, till, after much thought, I chose a path to take.

I am needy. I depend on what I know won't leave. I trust with little ease, but when I trust, I trust with my whole self. I seek the stability that I know comes with independence, and self-reliance. Yet. knowing this doesn't make me any less dependent on others. I share out problems with my friends, but it is often too late to help.

I am fragile. I am easily broken and hard to fix. I am hurt by the smallest of things, and can be hurt for a life time. I will dwell on something that has made me hurt, until I am finally ready to expel it from my mind. It will control my every thought and movement until that day that I can finally let go.

I am insecure. I am constantly evaluating myself and comparing me against others. In me, I see many qualities I despise, and that in other people would cause me to turn and walk away from them. The qualities I see will be heighten when I know they are there, and this causes me confusion and hatred towards myself.

This is me. I am all of these things, but I am also a lot more. Those who dwell on the bad side of me never get to see the good side. My loved ones will look past my flaws and even embrace them. For they love me for who I am, and always will.

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