Monday, 18 July 2011


You left. How could you? You left me with her. Just her. How could you? You knew she was bad. Yet you felt it fine to leave me in her care. I understand why you left. I think you did the right thing. What she did was horrible and I totally agree. I would have done the same.
How did you do it though? You went from being a father, to a stranger overnight. How did you do it? I get why you can't love her anymore, but I never did anything wrong. It was just her. So why did you stop loving me too? How did you stop seeing me as a daughter? Please tell me so then I can stop seeing you as a father.
Every time I see you it hurts. Remembering all of the times we had together and knowing we will never have them again. Knowing you will always be the 'almost' guy. We were 'almost' a family. 'Almost' happy. 'Almost' the fairy tale everyone looks for. The 'what if' guy. 'What if' that never happened.'What if' she never did that. You will always be the one that we compare everything to. Was it as good as with him? Is it the same? Things will never be the same.
I just want things to be the way they were before. Everything to be back to normal. I'd come home and you would be there. You would be running about the house looking for things as you were going straight back out again. I would come in and here the sound of your voice, and knew this was where we all belonged. How we would always have people over to our house, as we were always the best family to do it. The way everyone knew us, because we were the perfect family.
You treat them differently. The other two. I know you should. They are yours. I was always borrowed. Yet, you used to treat me like them. All I want is for you to treat me like them again. I miss it. I miss you.   You were always there for me. you knew what to do. You were always calm and collected. You were good for us. For both of us.
You can get over this. You two. You love her, and she loves you. You know she does, and I know you do. All you have to do is trust her again. I know it is harder than I make it sound, but that is all it is. Trust. Get that and you can make it work. I know you can. You were so good together. Everyone said so. You used to walk through town, and people used to be jealous of what they saw. The two of you. So in love.
How do I describe you now? You aren't you anymore. Not my 'father' anymore. A guy my mum used to date? But you were so much more than that. How do I explain you now? You need to sort this out
I need you.

Because of you.

     You only ever think of yourself, don't you? Never think of me or anyone else. Never think of how your actions effect us. You rush in, and do what you feel like. You never stop and think about how what you do may hurt me or affect me in some way. You think that you are the only one who has to face the consequences of your actions. But you're not. I do too.
    The way you act has an affect on me. People hear your name and look badly on me. They think of all the bad things you have done, and all the things you are doing now. They know we are the same, so they expect me to do the same as you do. Have all the same mistakes that you do. I don't want people to think of me like that. I don't want to be associated with your mistakes.
    Can't you see they are worried? They all care about what you do. They watch you fuck up your life, mine too. I have to be with  you. I can't get away. They are worried about you, and in turn worried about me. They know I have to be with you. I have to stay by you and watch you destroy everything we ever worked for. All the relationships we made are being destroyed. People don't want to know us because of you.
   You need to change what you are doing. You can get me sent away. You can lose your job and get me taken away from you. If anyone finds out what you are doing then we are both in trouble. We are separated. They won't give me back to you for years. You will be on your own. You rely on me too much, and everyone else. You won't survive on your own.
  So how are you going to change? You need to stop everything. Now.

Sunday, 3 July 2011

You have no idea do you?

You have no idea do you?
The way you hurt me.
The way you cut and scar me,
The hurt you caused to me.
A daily constant reminder,
The scars only I can see
The memories they brought back
I'm in constant agony.

You have no idea do you?
The way you make me feel.
My actions make mean outcast
And outcasts never heal.
The people give me weird looks
They whisper behind my back
They push me out of their lives
And tell me never to come back

You have no idea do you? The way you shape my life.
The names you call me
Affect me for the rest of my life.
I can hear your voice in my mind
As I go about day to day
The words you said all those months ago
Just think before you say

You have no idea do you?
How strong I am thanks to you.
Everything that happened made me grow
And now I'm something new.
I stand confident and tall
Walking big and tall
I am a better person than I was before
And I have only you to thank for it all.