Wednesday, 14 September 2011

When will it work on me?

Same corridor, same eyes, same words. All that's different is the place. Walking down the long gauntlet, the same things are shouted from either side. Being pushed from one side to another, and into the arms of the people who just push you back. It seems like the people don't even have faces anymore, there are too many of them to keep track off. They are the same every time, nothing is different. There are no defining features of either place now.
I thought the rest would do me good. Give me time to build up my strength again. I walked in with my head held high, confident strides into the hall that once was filled with eyes that could terrify me. It felt good. It felt like people could see how I had changed just by the way I was looking at them. Then there they were. Those two people. They knew they had won and nothing had changed just by the way they looked at them. The laugh that escaped from them was barely needed as they knew they had turned me back into the timid girl I was before. My head shot to the same floor that I had studied for the past year, and my once long strides turned into a run past them.
I thought I was strong enough to go back and see them. Guess not. Guess the time I spent building myself back up again really could be destroyed in one quick look. I have to ask myself why it is like this. Why me? Why always me? Love life I was told! ...Why do I have to love this one? The one where just the mention of someone's name can make me feel like I want it to be over. Confident...I give the illusion well now I feel. I have been perfecting it over the last few years. It seems to have worked on you. The question is: when will it work on me?