Wednesday 12 December 2012

I walk away

Sitting there, hand on face,
Clearly give up the chase.
Try to reason, try to change,
Sitting here just feels too strange.

I try to move and hold your hand,
Tell you things will be so grand.
You twist your head and turn around,
Tell me that you feel too drowned.

Talking's over, I walk away,
Wish you would call to stay.
Out the door, down the lane
Never to return again.

Thursday 9 August 2012

Against it all.

You and me against it all,
Stood together, a brick wall,
Make any problem seem so small,
But then he came to call.

He came and stole you away from me,
Filled you will up with glee.
Hid you so couldn't see,
Tried to make you free.

Now I know you're not the same,
Different rules, different game.
Growing like an open flame,
He's the one to blame.

Monday 16 July 2012

I wish I could

I wish I could make it better,
Wish I could make it go away.
I wish I could show you,
Wish I could make you see.

To show you this is ok,
Show you we are all here.
To show you that you're not alone,
Show you that we care.

To try and help you understand,
Try to get you through.
To try to stop you from hurting,
Try to help you.

Friday 6 July 2012

Homeward Bound

Life is a voyage that is homeward bound,
A huge long journey that goes round and round,
Starts from life, and ends in the ground,
But life is always homeward bound.

Friday 29 June 2012

The Perfect Two

“We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.” 
 Dr. Seuss


Started out as a mistake,
A hand held tight, give or take,
I thought your feelings were all fake,
Then my heart began to ache.

Thoughts of you filled my head,
Scared of what would come ahead,
You loved her, or so you said,
But then you turned and fled.

Soon it was just me and you,
As they said, the perfect two,
I felt something strange and new,
I knew we were to see this through.

Here we are, months along,
And we are still going strong,
We proved that they were so wrong,
Together for so long.

I pray and hope that this will last,
Laying out upon the grass,
Time with you moves so fast,
Our future will become our past.

Saturday 16 June 2012

The Perfect Two

“We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.” 
 Dr. Seuss


Started out as a mistake,
A hand held tight, give or take,
I thought your feelings were all fake,
Then my heart began to ache.

Thoughts of you filled my head,
Scared of what would come ahead,
You loved her, or so you said,
But then you turned and fled.

Soon it was just me and you,
As they said, the perfect two,
I felt something strange and new,
I knew we were to see this through.

Here we are, months along,
And we are still going strong,
We proved that they were so wrong,
Together for so long.

I pray and hope that this will last,
Laying out upon the grass,
Time with you moves so fast,
Our future will become our past.

Thursday 10 May 2012

Hope across the bay

The bridge across the water stands,
High above the hills and sands,
Connecting the piece of land,
To hope across the bay.

Offers solitude and peace,
To those who long for it to cease,
Run across to find release,
In hope across the bay.

But there you'll find no still or calm,
No lovers joined in palm to palm,
Lacks reading of insightful psalms,
No hope across the bay.

You'll find a land consumed with rage,
Thoughts trapped within a cage,
Stay for a day or an entire age,
Lost hope across the bay.

Change your views and change your ways,
Slightly different with every day,
Oblivious in your engulfing haze,
You're the hope across the bay.

This is the world you longed to find,
Realise now that you were blind,
There never was any kind,
Of hope across the bay.

Sunday 4 March 2012

The silent audience

There is something growing inside of me, overtaking my thoughts and changing the way I view the world. It makes me different from everyone else, even though no one else can see it. Buried deep down inside of me I can feel it stirring. Pushing its way out of me, until I am too scared to open my mouth in fear that it would throw itself out of me and present itself to the world. Hiding it has become a life style now. Keeping it secret so no one knows I'm different. A massive weight is heavy on my shoulders. The weight of the secret is too much, and I can feel it burning and running through my veins. It is a part of me now, I suppose it always has been. Imagine how that feels. Concealing a part of you because you are too ashamed to tell it. No one would ever understand. It has to come out eventually. It will kill me if it stays secret. Crushing me down and threatening my whole existence.
And then it is loose. It runs out of me, breaking me in two with its force. I have no chance of stopping this great monster. I can see it flying past my eyes and falling onto the ears of my stunned audience. They stare, silently. Collecting their thoughts, and debating what to say in response. Yet it keeps on breaking out of my until I feel empty. It has gone from me and it is free to anyone who wants to embrace it. Yet, no one does.
The silence is broken by the screams of pain and betrayal. The running about and the panic is a sign of the attitudes of those around me. No one is still and no one is quiet. Except me. I am still. Not moving. Lost in the thought that I am free to be who I want to be. I no longer have to hide in shadows and keep secrets about something that is a part of me. I can see the truth dancing around in front of me and I am free.
There is something growing inside of them. It changed the way they see me, and how they act around me. I can see it buried down deep inside of them. Pushing them away from me, making them scared when I am near them. I walk down a road and I am alone. Pushed out of society. Made to feel small and insignificant. Those same words thrown at me, trying to hurt me. The hate I receive makes me wish I never let my secret out.

All of this because I am gay.

Tuesday 21 February 2012

Pleasant Lullaby

In the door, you came to call,
You the one who knew it all,
Flash a smile, a hand held tight,
An invite for another night.

The doorbell rings, she straightens her dress,
A night planned perfectly to impress,
The look in your eyes, she comes alive,
You leave as quick as you arrive.

Time moves on, all is fine,
Exchanging words like yours and mine,
You've both grown, you're someone new,
You love her and she loves you.

The world stops still, chill in the air,
You said that you just don't care,
You're sick of it all, this is the end,
There's nothing left for you to mend.

Out of door, you turned away,
Ignored the begging calls to stay,
No looking back, no last goodbye,
Here ends our pleasant lullaby.

Monday 20 February 2012

Once upon a dream.

     Floating along on a dream. On a cloud filled with all the wonders of the world. High above the reality of the ground below, filled with the hate and violence of a repressed age. We can drift here for an eternity, living on nothing but the hope of a day to come. A perfect day where nothing is wrong, and you are here. A life of love and passion, wrapped in a bubble where not even the effects of time can get us. They try to grab at us. They throw their words to us, in hope of hurting us. They will never get us. Our surrounding shelter is too strong for them. We will spend all day wishing, knowing they will come true, and the world, for us, is perfect.
     The memory of the life before has disappeared for us. We were like them before you see. The world of the cold and hungry. We lived among them and did not even think that something was wrong. We took it for the normal thing, that so many can die and we carry on regardless. All the death is normal, accepted, expected. But those days are far behind us now.
     Now we create it. Our world. Our dream. Always in good company. Always loved. Always needed. Always wanted. And always safe.
     There was always a time when that bubbled was going to break. Shatter into a million tiny pieces and part us. I was left alone. Thrown back down into the world I fought so hard to escape. The dream escaping through the cracks and now time and pain can get to me. I can hear them shouting. They mock me. The voices of the days that past. They can get me now. Their tongues and claws reach out to grab me. They reach into my soul, past my skin and into my very mind. Removing all those dreams and the hope of a better day, and fill every inch of my being with the feeling of slowly dying.
     And there I am. Back into the day to day life of the world I left. They have got me. The dream no longer comforts me. I look back onto it and it is gone. I imagine your face and it pains me to think that you may have been a figure that I made in a dream. A perfect illusion.
     A dream is just a dream, and reality must eventually take its place. For those who live a dream barely live at all.

Wednesday 18 January 2012

But then you slipped away

You'd come home. There you were sitting together like nothing had ever changed. You both turned to look at me when I walked in and you started to explain that you had sorted everything out and you were coming back to us.
I could barely hear the words. The happiness I had felt had put me into a trance and everything around me stood still. I imagined what our lives would be like now that you were back home. Visions of us sitting around a dinner table surrounded by family and friends sprung into my head.
I ran over to the 2 of you and wrapped us into a tight embrace. The world was right again and I knew that everything would be ok as long as I never let go.
But then you slipped away.
Then I opened my eyes and that perfect world around me crumpled and I was left with the crushing reality of life without you. That feeling of dread and loathing of the fact you have to carry on, day after day.